My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
