I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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