I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
