Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
