I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i love accidental penises.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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