when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
