Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
