I'm lost and stupid without you.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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