brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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