Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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