and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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