you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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