Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
