are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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