Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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