planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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