Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
