is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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