Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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