I'm pants shitting drunk right now
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
