Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
