Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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