hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
