You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
