I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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