I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
