he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
