i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I am one with the molecules
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
