I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm getting married
To pizza
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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