i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
