My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
