Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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