ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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