no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
