i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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