So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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