I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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