i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
