well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just gift wrapped bread.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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