sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
