I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
