Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
