Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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