Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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