u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
