Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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