we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
