Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
