so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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