Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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