turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
