Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
